Today I find myself blogging after a two year hiatus. And it’s because I just had a conversation with my mom about two “mental health mantras” that I’m encouraging her to work on: 1) You can control your own behaviors and actions; you can’t change others, 2) Forgiveness.
Mental health is tough this time of year. What’s supposed to be a favorite time of the year filled with peace and joy (as is often printed on the Christmas cards we get this time of year), turns into a time filled with overwhelming to do lists and stressful interactions with ‘loved”ones. Yes, loved ones is in quotes for a reason. Because those loved ones are that much harder to love during stressful times. Throw in poor mental health, and it’s a recipe for chaos and anguish, the complete opposite of peace and joy.
Mental illness impacts so many of us, and yet it’s often not treated or managed the way we treat our allergies with Claritin or allergy shots, or diabetes with insulin. It goes undiagnosed and manifests itself in unstable relationships, challenging personalities, unpredictable moods - where you never know if it’s going to be a good day or bad day, and being around the person is exhausting because you’re always tip-toeing on eggshells, not knowing if the next comment out of your mouth will crack the shell and unleash the verbal abuse. If you’ve ever found particular relationships to be very difficult - or unstable with extreme display of emotions (on both the good end of the spectrum and bad end of the spectrum) you are probably dealing with someone who struggles with their mental health, whether it’s depression, being bipolar, or having a personality disorder of some sort (and it’s not uncommon for there to be a mix of issues going on).
I remember in my late 30’s, coming across an article in Psychology Today that summed up in one blog posting why I’ve struggled to have a healthy relationship with my mom my entire life. It was an article that explained what it’s like to live with someone who has borderline personality disorder and narcissism, and it finally dawned on me that maybe the struggles I’ve always had with my mom were caused by her mental illness, and not anything I had done wrong. Let me tell you, that was an eye opening moment, and I’m forever grateful for that article.
The good news is that like with physical ailments, there are many resources out there to treat mental illness. Seeing a therapist, and taking the right medication under the care of a psychiatrist can do wonders. Having found a therapist myself, I learned just how helpful certain techniques are in improving my own mental health, and handling the stress that comes with juggling a career, family and the holidays. So back to my two mental health mantras, 1) You can control your own behaviors and actions; you can’t change others - when you truly accept this (which is work in progress for me) - the burden shifts from blaming others to improving yourself. 2) Forgiveness - for those who walk around with anger and resentment towards others, forgiveness is the path to what we wish for everyone during the holidays, peace and joy.
